Seifer and friend's big adventure!
by Bocuma
Summary: Hilarious, is most definitely not the word, said the humourless snob
1. The Bue Box

NOTE---I do not own the Final Fantasy series, so dont sue me, this is just a mark of appreciation and expression of creativity.  
  
A STORY ABOUT STRANGE THINGS (POSSIBLY FEATURING RANDOM GUEST STARS)  
  
Seifer stared blankly at his catch, before hurling it back into the dark, misty expanse of the night. He heard it crash into the faintly shimmering lake, and sighed impatiently.  
"I don't get why they exiled me...hey, I said sorry, but no, that didn't count for anything!" Raijin and Fujin shrugged in each others general directions.  
"Damn this lake! All I can catch here is old Galbadian military junk...what the heck is this anyway?" Seifer examined a silt covered metal box that he had kept.  
"What's this weird symbol?" An eerily luminescent blue glyph glowed beneath the fine layer of filth on the box, almost beckoning Seifer to touch it.  
"It's pretty heavy, maybe it's got something inside it...what do you guys reckon?" Raijin frowned at the box, it seemed to be giving off sinister vibes that Seifer couldn't pick up.  
"Hey man, careful with that thing...I mean, I don't really know about stuff like that, mystical things...Fujin, you take a look, it's givin' me the shakes..."  
"COWARD!" Fujin shoved Raijin out of the way and seized the box from Seifer, who looked clearly irritated.  
"Hey, give it here! I found it!!"  
"WAIT. THE BOX SEEMS STRANGE, I WILL EXAMINE IT."  
"Come to think of it, that box doesn't even look Galbadian."  
"No, it resembles a Centran artefact of some sort..." Raijin and Seifer exchanged worried looks.  
"She only speaks when she's being real serious, y'know?" Fujin pressed the glyph, barely hesitating. Suddenly, an ethereal blue light enveloped the three. After the light subsided, they stood in a dark purple, neon glowing room. Above the box, which now lay on the ground hovered a small figure, odd in appearance. It grinned a manic, toothy grin, its strange eyes closed tightly.  
"Hey, what the heck are you?" said Seifer, in a broken stutter.  
"Well, technically, I'm not actually one thing. I suppose I'm a human being, but my friends and I don't agree. DON'T PIGEONHOLE ME!!!" As the creatures face switched back into its peaceful, cracked smile, Seifer, Raijin and Fujin picked themselves back up, having leapt backwards and fallen over.  
"A bit random, you're thinking. I like to change from one thing to something totally different. One moment, a computer, then an amnesiac. Who knows what I'll end up as?"  
"Do you have a name?"  
"Yes."  
"Well?"  
"Did you ask? Oh, yes, how rude. My name's Thom, AND I'M A BIT OF A LOONY!!!!"  
"JESUS, STOP YELLING!"  
"Hypocrite opportunist. You just shouted too! So, why are you here? I often wonder why I'm here, I get all homesick and paranoid...are you trying to steal my children? I'll call the cops, I will, I mean it!!! ...sorry...look, I'll just explain. My name is Thom, and I hail from the Kid A mountains. You lot are supposed to give this box thingy I'm trapped in to a bloke called Squall. He has to save the world FROM THE LOONIES!!! Who go by the name of the Backdrifters. Trust me, don't trifle with this lot, they'll mess your faces up beyond recognition. You should see my pal Phil, he talks all funny. By looks, he should be a thuggish bouncer, but he speaks like an art critic!"  
"The hell?"  
"Yes, it's MAD isn't it? Oh, and if you come by a similar box, with a red glyph, be wary. A strange demonic version of me lives in there, he's just a nihilist or something. Keeps on going on abut absolution...he has spiky black hair, and really doesn't look that similar to me, but avoid him."  
"Yeah, sure...can we, uh, go now?"  
"Did I say you could stay?"  
"No, but-""Shoo, pests! No I will not play bloody Creep. Now get out, before I set Ed on you."  
"I'm not even gonna ask,...come on guys, let's go."  
  
WHO IS THIS WEIRDO THOM? WHAT EXACTLY IS HIS RELEVANCE? WILL THESE BACKDRIFTERS BE STOPPED HEROICALLY BY SQUALL AND COMPANY, OR WILL SEIFER AND HIS LOYAL IDIOTS NICK THE MISSION? FIND OUT NEXT TIME! 


	2. The Smith Knights

NOTE---I do not own the Final Fantasy series, Disney, Queens Park Rangers, Muse, The Cure, Jimi Hendrix, Jeff Buckley, Nirvana, The Pixies, The Verve, The Smiths, Nine Inch Nails or Radiohead, so don't sue me, this is just a mark of appreciation and expression of creativity.  
  
A STORY ABOUT STRANGE THINGS (POSSIBLY FEATURING RANDOM GUEST STARS): PART TWO!-THE MYSTERIOUS SMITH KNIGHT AND HIS OBSESSION WITH DISNEY AND QUEENS PARK RANGERS! (FEATURING ANOTHER SMITH KNIGHT!)  
  
Seifer and his weary, confused friends ambled on across the Galbadian plains, until they reached a waterfall, which majestically poured out of a cavern in a cliff-side. As they got closer, they realised that not only they had been travelling in completely the wrong direction, but there was some wonderful, beautiful music playing. Fujin sighed happily, and shook her head in disbelief.  
"COULD IT BE? T-THE KNIGHT...of the cure?!" A quixotically dressed Goth in a Disney-esque knight costume leapt down, almost in slow motion, bringing a cool wave of air, which cooled the party's aching feet. He appeared resplendent backdropped by the incredible white-yellow sunlight in the cloud-smothered blue sky, pre-sunset and pearly.  
"Yes, m'lady, it is I, Sir Robert of Smith! Marvel in my colours of blue and white, the colours of the Queen of the Park Rangers! An also marvel at my magical, Disney inspired appearance!" The trio, were of course taken aback, and Seifer fell to his knees. "Oh Smith knight, please play your Plainsong for us world weary travellers!"  
"Certainly!" But before the Smith knight could begin his wonderful music, another, altogether more shadowy figure leapt out of the shadows.  
"Oi Smith, you moron, I am the only Smith knight!"  
"Aha, Sir Stephen of Morrissey! Yes, you were indeed once a Smith knight! But your jolly band of Smithsonians disbanded many a year ago! Therefore, I am the one and only Smith knight. And I'm much lovelier anyway."  
"Pff...weary travellers, ignore this charming man's charming goth charms."  
"Shut up, you horrible cynic! You don't even like Disney!"  
"Shocking."  
"See, isn't he horrible! Only horrible people sound as deadpan as that!"  
"Robert, Robert, Robert...it seems your Cure clan have deserted you...'  
"No, they have not! You started the rumour about them disintegrating! We met up by the Bloodflowers of Esthar plains just last year!"  
"That's not what Black Francis and his magical Pixies told me..."  
"Oh, he's just a fat surfer and you know it!"  
"Oh, forget it. Just call yourself a Cure knight instead of a Smith knight from now on. Good day, I'm off for the next seven years."  
"Heavens knows I'm miserable now..." As the cynical Stephen of Morrissey strode off, he yelled.  
"I heard that Robert!!!"  
"'blah, blah, blah..." Smith sighed heavily, "he always picked on me, the git...anyway, weary travellers, travel to Dollet before you go to Balamb garden. There you will meet the three phantoms, Hendrix, Cobain and Buckley. They are sure to be of help. Oh, and take this lovecat for company, he'll make you feel really, really happy, no matter how lovelorn you get." Seifer stared at Smith.  
"What? Why would I feel lovelorn?"  
"Well, Sir Richard Ashcroft of the sect of The Verve, otherwise known as Mr Unhappy said you would know. He also mentioned a girl called Rinoa...he said, 'the drugs don't work kid, I should know', in that Manc accent." Seifer shot a mournful look at his pocket, full of heroine and crack cocaine, and shed a desperate tear, a tune playing in his head as he thought, "I know I'll see your face again, Rinoa."  
"Well, weary travellers, I must be going. Peter Pan is on BBC 1 in half an hour and I want to video it again. So long!" And with a flick of his cloak, he was gone.  
"Who the heck was that fool, Seifer? Is it just me who thinks it's just a bit strange that some dude who looks like he's dead and has a serious Disney obsession comes up, and tells us a load of dumb-ass shit about travellin' to Balamb garden? Man, I need so milk, y'know?" Seifer stared at Raijin strangely.  
"What, are you Mr T now?"  
"What'ya talkin' 'bout Willis?"  
"My name isn't Willis, idiot! So now you're Gary Coleman?"  
"Ah, jeez, I just don't know anymore..."  
"Yeah, just no more of the Gary Coleman stuff, Mr T's bad enough. I swear, any more, and I'll slash you up big time! Blood....he-he-he..."  
"Okay, okay, just don't get all blood-lusty on me now!" Meanwhile, the strange spectre from the previous chapter (keep up) sits in his lair, laughing.  
"AHAHAHAHA!!! It's all slotting together nicely..."  
"Quiet fool..."  
"Y-yes, master Reznor..."  
"They will march to their doom and the world shall be my chew toy..."  
"Interesting analogy master..."  
"Did I say you could speak? Anyway, as long as they find the other box...as they, inevitably will...and then hand both to 'Squall', I can get out of ere and...destroy the magical Muse!!! Evil laugh, slave?"  
"Oh yes, very good. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
"MWAHAHAHAHA!!!" This carried on for considerable time, as Seifer and his collective 'marched on' towards Balamb.  
  
WHO IS THIS REZNOR AND WHAT IS HIS EVIL PLAN? WHAT IS THIS MAGIAL MUSE? WILL GARY COLEMAN TAKE LEGAL ACTION AGAINST RAIJIN? FIND OUT NEXT TIME! 


End file.
